he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
