What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
