I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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