Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
