I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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