I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
