He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
