It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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