His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
