I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
