make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
