there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
