I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
