I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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