i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
