I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
