What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
