Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
