Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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