He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
