I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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