I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
