You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
