I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
