I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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