this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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