every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
