Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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