Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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