I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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