You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
