i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
