she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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