i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
