umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
