Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
