I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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