i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Drunk is a universal language darling
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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