dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
