Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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