I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
