my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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