He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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