"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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