Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
