i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
