mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
