Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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