Where is the hickey?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
