just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
