I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
