So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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