dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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